Heart of Worship

This morning for worship, we did something a bit different. Instead of putting a great deal of emphasis on music, we chose instead to focus on silence, rest, and stillness. The service was inspired by the summer of favorite hymns, and by one of our favorite "Hymn Stories," the story behind Matt Redman's "Heart of Worship." Here is the Hymn story as I read it this morning in service. 

People come to church for a lot of different reasons.

Some come to be seen, they believe it is good for their reputation.

Some come because that is what their family has always done, it is routine.

Some come because they want to feel superior to someone else, they may think, "So-and-so really needs to hear that sermon," but never apply the messages to themselves.

Some come to socialize. Singles may even come to find a "Good Christian spouse."

Some come expecting worship to make them feel good, a "God-fix" to get through the week.

Some come to be entertained.

There may be many other reasons people come. Not all of them are bad, but many still miss the point. They show apathy toward worship, and little regard for the object of our worship. 

Such was the case in our hymn story this morning. Unlike many of the other stories we have heard this summer as we looked at our favorite hymns, this last story is a contemporary one. It takes place in England in the early 1990s in a large, contemporary church. The church was going well from the outside. The numbers were up. The praise band was amazing. But the pastor began to slowly realize something wasn't right. The congregation had become apathetic toward God. They were there, much like Grandpa Walton on one of my favorite TV shows, "For the singing." 

So, this pastor along with his staff, did something radical. They took away the band and the music. At first the void was filled with silence. Now, Mother Theresa was once quoted as saying, "God's first language is silence..." And I love that quote. Silence is often where we can meet God. It is where He speaks in the still small voice. It is where our faith is challenged, and where we find ourselves in awe of His creation and provision. However, in our Western, Evangelical church tradition silence is often awkward and uncomfortable, especially when we are gathered for worship. And so it was for this church, at first. 

Then God began to move. He began to open people up to new and creative ways to fill the silence. The congregation began to offer up new prayers, new forms of art and poetry, dramatic readings, and eventually even accapella hymns as genuine offerings to God. It was a moving and growing time for the entire congregation, including the worship leaders. At the end of the experiment, one of the leaders, Matt Redman, penned the words to the song "Heart of Worship," which we will sing later in the service. The song says this:

When the music fades, and all is stripped away, and I simply come

Longing just to bring, something that's of worth, 

That will bless your heart

I'll bring you more than a song,

For a song in itself is not what you have required

You search much deeper within through the way things appear

Your looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship

And it's all about you, it's all about you Jesus

I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it

When it's all about you, it's all about you Jesus

What have you brought to Jesus today? What do you need to let go of to focus on Him? How can moments of silence bring you back to the voice of God?

I Have a Dream

It was a beautiful day. Though both the calendar date and the green trees surrounding the outdoor chapel reminded everyone it was summer, the weather made it feel more like fall on the mountain. My husband and I were blessed with the amazing privilege of doing something not many couples get to do. We were officiating a wedding together. The setting was perfect. The ceremony was unique. The couple was beautiful as they began the new adventure of life together.

Being asked to be a part of this celebration was an affirmation of calling and purpose for me. It was also an opportunity for my husband and I to reflect as we prepared for this ceremony. We reflected on our own beliefs and understanding about marriage. We also reflected on how those beliefs have changed as we have journeyed over these last 11 years together.

We both grew up in traditional conservative churches and so, the predominate teaching that we heard was about "spiritual leadership" and "spiritual submission." It was "God's design" for marriage for the wife to submit to her husband and the husband to take the lead. I even remember one particular statement from the pulpit during a Mother's Day message, "Ladies," the pastor said, "I know this is hard because many of you are much smarter than your husbands, but God still calls him to take the lead and you to submit, even when you know his plan is doomed to fail."

Moving away from home to the campus of a conservative Christian college where I met my my husband, this teaching of "biblical submission" became even more problematic for me. I began to hear things like, "Learning to be a submissive wife is the only way to be truly happy in marriage." The understanding across campus among single and married women alike was that if God's plan for a woman includes marriage then she must give up any ambition of her own in order to follow her husband's wishes. He came first. His career, his needs, his classes were always more important and if I, as a wife, was not happy and fulfilled in this life of submission, then there must be something wrong with me. After all, women are Created to be His Helpmeet according to the book that was sweeping the campus.

The loud and clear message was that, because I was not satisfied and fulfilled in this role, I was not yet truly "broken" in my relationship with God. I needed to repent, both before God and my husband. Of course, this message was completely supported by scripture and I believed it. I even tried to live up to it. And I was miserable.

I would realize what a horrible wife I was. I would beg God for forgiveness. I would return to the scripture and seek out how I might try harder to do better. I would realize that it was "the sin of my pride" that caused me not to be content, so I would seek humility, and I would fall further into depression. A vicious cycle that I was stuck in for years.

I was surrounded by a "biblical worldview" that said there is no other way to live right according to God's Word. As long as I was surrounded with this "complementarian" interpretation, I was doomed to believe that something was wrong with me. The harder I tried to fit in to the mold, the worse things got. I fell into deeper depression and my relationship with my husband became more strained.

Finally something changed. Right when I needed it, right when I was at my breaking point, God planted my husband and I in a place called Buies Creek at at school called CUDS. We would meet people there who had great passion and respect for God and for the Bible, but who understood it, believed it, and lived it differently. We studied scripture not only in the original languages, but in the context of the original hearers who lived under Roman rule. We learned that some considered Christianity a "woman's religion" because more women than men had chosen to follow Christ. We also learned of the many women who are listed as leaders in the church alongside men, including "Junia" who is listed as "chief among the apostles" by Paul. Later scribes changed the name to the masculine "Junius" presumably because they believed Paul would never name a woman as an apostle. (This is not something commonly taught in Sunday school in a conservative evangelical church! It was eye-opening to me!)

Studying the beloved household codes in the original language changed everything. Ephesians 5:22 is a particular favorite, often quoted verse by complementarians to support this idea of submission. "Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord." For many this is a clear, cut and dry command, straight from the Apostle Paul himself. It was a verse that often haunted me in my days of trying to fit into a mold that made me miserable. Then, I studied Greek.

I realized quickly that the chapters, verses, and headings in the English translations of the Bible that I had been reading my entire life, are not original to the apostle's letters. Parchment and paper was scarce and not to be wasted in the days of Paul. Letters and words were written with no spaces, no paragraph breaks (something else I was never taught in Sunday School) and sometimes translators even add in words to the text that are not there "to clarify" meaning. Every translation is on some level an interpretation.
Even the placement of a comma or a period change the meaning of a text.

How does this apply to Ephesians 5? One of the words that has been added "for clarity" to verse 22 is the word "submit." It is supplied from verse 21, "Submit one to another out of fear of Christ." Not only was the word added, but a verse, a paragraph break and a heading were also added between verses 21 and 22. In the original, however, the sentence starts in verse 18, the paragraph even before that. The entire passage is filled with Paul's radical instructions on how to live as "wise men" who are "filled with the Spirit."
His radical instructions include mutual submission, an idea foreign to the patriarchal household codes of the day. This mutual submission includes not only submission of wife to husband, but also of husband to wife, instructing him to love her sacrificially and treat her as his own body (this sounds an awful lot like respect to me!) It includes submission of slave to master and radically of master to slave. It includes submission of child to parent and respect of father toward child. Ultimately, it is a reminder that all are to be in submission to Christ, and that we are all to follow His example.

And what about that pesky word "helpmeet" from Genesis 2? Does that not indicate Eve was a subordinate to complement Adam? Is she someone who is meant to serve him meals and do his laundry so he can focus on "more important" tasks? This is what I had been taught to believe for a long time, until I studied Hebrew. That is when I learned that the same word from Genesis 2 is found other times in the Old Testament, and in many of these references it refers to God as "helper" to man.

This brings me back to the wedding. Two things from this passage always stand out when preparing the ring ceremony of a wedding, and my husband and I always point them out to the bride and groom. The first is that God used a rib, from Adam's side, to demonstrate that woman was to be man's equal. The second is that the term that is most often applied to God, is used of Eve here. I do not believe it was a word chosen by accident. I believe it was meant to remind man that, just as he was created in God's image, woman was as well. It was to remind them both that, just as the trinity exists as equals in perfect communion and mutual submission to one another, so they, as husband and wife, are to reflect in marriage that type of communion through mutual love, respect, and submission, as equal partners.

Today is the 50th anniversary of the famous, "I Have a Dream," speech. While there are still pockets of this country where Dr. King's dream is not yet realized, I believe that we have come a long way in the last 50 years toward the reality of that dream. Today, I have a dream of my own.
I have a dream of a church where women are not treated as inferior simply because of their gender. I have a dream of marriages where mutual respect and mutual submission eliminates domestic violence. I have a dream in which marriage becomes about two whole people allowing God to make them one, instead of two people being broken by being forced into someone else's mold. I have a dream where wives can use their strengths to complement their husband's weaknesses without husbands being branded as weak and wives being told they are stepping out of their place. I have a dream where marriages are healthy, children are healthy, and relationships within the Kingdom are healthy because we all, "submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." I have a dream where it is not shameful for a Christian couple to seek help with their marriage, but where it is celebrated, expected, and accepted within the church. I have a dream...

Dinner and a Movie?

Most marriage experts, including counselors and pastors will give any couple getting married this advice, “Don’t ever stop dating your spouse.”

Dating is essential for a healthy marriage. It provides the opportunity to connect to one another. It is even more necessary after a couple has children or when both spouses have demanding, high stress jobs. It is an opportunity to rekindle romance, to talk about serious issues, or just to spend time laughing and enjoying one another. The problem is often that the more a couple needs this precious time, the less likely they are to have, unless they have help. Ministers are no exception to the need for this intimate time or to the difficulty in finding it. In fact, often we have the most difficulty with this essential element of a healthy marriage.

                

As a minister who is also married to a minister, my husband and I are great examples of this struggle. As ministers and, before that, divinity students, money to pay a baby sitter is hard to come by. On top of that, we often find that since we need to find sitters for work related tasks, finding someone to keep the kids for a night out proves even more difficult. Sometimes we have to improvise and turn work into a date. Here are just a few of the most unique dating venues that we have utilized as a ministry couple.

Worship Services

Believe it or not, for us at least, attending worship together, without the kids, in a place where neither of us has the responsibility to lead, makes a great date. This is especially true when the service includes communion or some other form of congregational participation.

                

Recently we had a friend offer to keep our children overnight on the first night of a denominational conference. Even though they joined us at the hotel the next day, having the opportunity to attend the worship service on the opening night and then get a late night snack afterwards was priceless. 

                

I remember one particularly stressful semester of Divinity School. Brian and I were both doing our Supervised Ministry in two different churches and taking full time classes in addition to homeschooling our three kids. Chapel worship followed by a quick lunch in the cafeteria at school was our only chance to connect as husband and wife during the week.

               

The most unique “worship date” as a ministry couple was also while we were Divinity Students. As a requirement for a World Religions class, we attended the worship service at a Jewish Synagogue. We got a sitter for the occasion and following the service went to a nearby restaurant to get a bite to eat. What was on the menu? Pork of course! We still laugh when we think about our very un-Kosher meal following the Jewish service.

               

Hospital Visits and Funerals

               

Imagine your spouse coming and telling you he has found a baby sitter for a wonderful surprise date. You get showered and dressed and he even blindfolds you so that you will be completely surprised by the mystery destination. When you finally arrive and he removes the blindfold, you find yourself in a hospital parking lot, or, better yet, outside the funeral home! Romantic right?

Well, maybe not, but the fact is that sometimes we have to make a date out of whatever circumstances present themselves. It is easy for ministers to take on the hurts of others as their own, but it is not healthy. Taking time as a ministry couple to debrief over French fries and a frosty, or even a simple cup of Starbucks coffee, after an emotional task can make for a good opportunity to lighten the mood, maybe even find a way to laugh before returning home to our children. It also gives a much needed moment to connect as a couple.

Weddings

While such joyful occasions may seem like “no-brainers” as romantic occasions and ideal dates, often church members do not realize that, for the minister, weddings are still work. Pastors are responsible for premarital counseling, planning the ceremony, leading the rehearsal, performing the ceremony, and sometimes helping to calm the fears of the nervous bride and groom. On top of that, while most people can blend in to the crowd and enjoy the wedding reception, that is difficult to do for the ministers, who constantly have guests recognize them and compliment them on the “beautiful service.” Imagine the scandal in some churches if the minister were caught dancing, or heaven forbid, sipping champagne!

                

For us as a clergy couple, taking the time to drive over early in the day to an out of town wedding gives us the opportunity to remember our own vows so that we can truly help the newlywed couple make their vows meaningful. Even though technically “on the job” we sometimes have no other opportunity, we have to take dates where we can get them!

Trainings and Other Community Events

As clergy, we are often invited to special community events and whenever possible we try to attend. While most couples go to dinner and a movie for Valentine’s Day, my husband and I had a most romantic afternoon! We attended a minister’s training on soldiers with PTSD. We felt privileged to attend and the event was most helpful and informative, however, it required a sitter for the day, leaving us unable to have a traditional Valentine’s date.

               

Another community event that was turned in to a date happened while we were still Divinity Students. As guests of one of our professors, we were invited, along with several other students, to attend a dinner honoring leaders in the community. The dinner, held in early December, was a lovely event. The two of us were surrounded by school principals, mayors, and even representatives from the governor’s office. It was indeed an honor. The gathering, however, was in a most unusual location for two Baptist ministers. The venue, beautifully decorated with hundreds of Nativity sets from all over the world, was a Mormon church.

Minister to Your Minister

I say all of this to say this. Your Pastor needs those who are willing to minister to them too. One of the best ways to minister is to volunteer to give them an evening out. It is good for their marriage. It is good for their children. It is good for their ability to do their job and minister to you without burning out! It is great to find unique ways to work in family time while “on the job” at a convention or conference, or work in a “date” after a hospital visit. But sometimes ministers just need to have a normal date. Give them dinner and movie once in a while. I promise, they will appreciate it.

Miracles

Albert Einstein once said this, "There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." I love this. It is inspiring, but how far does it really go? Does it include seeing ourselves as miracles?

I had two people who know some of the deepest, darkest parts of me say these things to me a few weeks ago, within 24 hours of one another: "It is miraculous that you are sitting here..." And, "You are a walking miracle..."

Children who are born after years of infertility hear words like these, or those who have survived some near death experience, especially as a young child. Babies who are born extremely premature are often referred to as "miracles." We often think of miracles in this way, as the happy ending of some extreme medical difficulty, but there are many types of miracles, not all defy the scientific odds.

It is still odd and uncomfortable to hear the term applied to me. When I look at my life I don't see "miracle." I see messy! I see someone who has been abused. I see a life that has suffered losses so deeply that fear of losing anything else is paralyzing. I see someone who has never felt good enough to do anything worthwhile. I see someone who doesn't feel pretty or lovable. I only see someone who is wounded and dirty.

And yet, I know that I am a miracle. Many who have been through what I have been through find themselves dropping out of school, struggling with addictions, abusing others, continuing to be abused, or being reckless and promiscuous with themselves and their bodies. I know. I watched it happen to many people in my life. It was part of what motivated me to be different. I have even wondered if my miracle came at their expense. Of course there was divine intervention as well. God placed many people in the right places at the right times to make the kind of impact that led to the "miraculous" in my life. There were those who encouraged me, challenged me, and demonstrated God's love to me. Ultimately, though it was God's presence and power that produce the miracle that is me.

The fact is, no matter how battered and damaged we may feel, no matter how many mistakes we have made, or how much trauma we have endured, we are still dearly loved by God. There is nowhere we can flee from His presence, not even the depths of Hell, literal or figurative, of our own making, or brought on through no fault of our own, is beyond the reach of God's hand.

We are all miracles, fearfully and wonderfully made in God's image.

A friend of mine, Giles Blankenship, wrote a song titled Image of God that speaks to me. The first time I heard the bridge it brought tears to my eyes. Speaking of Jesus the song says, "He says it long and it loud and you can hear Him crying out, 'This one's mine; yes that's my child; I'd do anything...Oh I'd even give my life...to fix every broken piece inside..."

The question is not whether God can make your life a miracle, or even whether He wants to. The question is, what are you going to do with your life when He does? He comforts us so we can comfort others. He heals us so others can have hope when they see our scars. He encourages us so we can build up another. He reaches out and picks up the broken pieces of our lives and then expects us to go, and do likewise.

I'll admit it, it isn't easy. The prospect of helping someone else when I feel incapable and unworthy is scary. Sometimes the voice in my head that I hear loudest says, "Who are you to reach out to someone? You aren't good enough."I have to find ways to hear another voice, the voice that says, "You were bought with a price and you are Mine! Created in my image, precious child, live out the miracle that I have done in you."

Chocolate

According to my Facebook newsfeed at least, today is Chocolate Day! I don't know about you all, but I LOVE chocolate! While milk chocolate and white chocolate (yes I know white chocolate is not really chocolate) have always been my favorites, as I have matured over the years I have grown a deep love and appreciation for the much richer (and arguably healthier) dark chocolate. I have a weakness for the candy isle and especially for chocolate pies and cookies as I walk through the grocery store, and it is indeed rare if something of the chocolate variety doesn't find its way into my cart. My chocolate addiction comes at a cost, however, and I have come to learn that it is much bigger than just the cost of my waistline.

In America, we often see a product on the shelves and do not think about what goes into it. That is what happens in a consumer driven society. We are blinded by large companies creative and tantalizing advertising campaigns with their catchy slogans and eye catching packaging. What we don't see are the deplorable practices behind the products.

You see, most of the world's cocoa is produced in some of the poorest countries in the world. Companies seek out the cheapest price and so large farmers compete to underbid one another. Unfortunately, the only way they can do that is to use slave and child labor to work their fields, while large corporations turn a blind eye. It is a sad, but true fact that every time you and I grab a candy bar at the checkout counter we are supporting these outrageous practices in poor countries in Africa and other parts of the world.

Fortunately, there are alternatives. The Baptist Fair Trade project, among other faith groups dedicated to improving the lives of farmers and their families seek to make a difference. Through partnering with Equal Exchange groups can promote products that are not only good quality, but also help small farmers by paying a fair price for the products produced, illuminating the need for slave and child labor. These groups also lead in educating consumers on fair trade products.

We just celebrated the Forth of July here in the US, so for many the words, "Liberty and Justice for ALL," are fresh in our minds. Think about who "all" should include. Does that justice apply only to the privileged who live in this country? The biblical understanding of the word justice is about doing what is right by other people. It is about caring for the orphan and the widow and the underprivileged and outcasts of society. Making just choices should include making the choice to end slavery, child labor, and oppression. For us, that may mean indulging in a little more chocolate today. Here is a link to get you started!

http://equalexchange.coop/products/chocolate 

Fireworks

Growing up, the Fourth of July was one of my favorite holidays. I loved the BBQ, the pool time, but most of all I looked forward to going to the lake front and staking out a spot in the grass with a few snacks, maybe some playing cards while we waited until dark, and then...BOOM! Some years the show was spectacular as it lit up the sky, reflecting on the water, other years it was a dud, but none the less I always looked forward with great anticipation to the show.

I admit it, as an adult I am a bit of a fireworks snob. The best fireworks shows I have ever seen of course were Disney productions. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a bit of a Disney fanatic and, growing up in Central Florida, Disney often sponsored shows in either Orlando or my hometown of Sanford. The shows were perfectly choreographed to a musical score broadcast on a local radio station. Everyone brought their portable radios to tune in. It is pure magic when what we see and hear match perfectly. Unfortunately, life does not always reflect Disney Magic.

There are moments when life seems perfect, only to be interrupted by tragedy. What we see around us hasn't changed, but we hear on the news of bombings, or children being killed or wildfires destroying homes and taking lives along with it. The peaceful neighborhood we live in has been invaded by news hundreds if not thousands of miles away and we begin to live in fear that it COULD happen here. We go overboard with precautions and we panic about every possibility of tragedy.

Brene Brown talks about this in her book The Gifts of Imperfection. She recounts the story that many of us have lived out as parents watching their sleeping children, on the edge of embracing the joy when suddenly the fear of losing it all grips us. In reflecting on that experience she says this, "Until we can tolerate vulnerability and transform it in to gratitude, intense feelings of love will often bring up the fear of loss."

The fact is yes, these things could happen anywhere, but Jesus warns us against panicking over that. "Do not worry for tomorrow," He tells us in Matthew 6:34. Enjoy today, take pleasure in the blessings right before your eyes instead of allowing the soundtrack of potential tragedy take away from the beauty that is right in front of you. Be thankful. Let gratitude, thankfulness, and joy be the soundtrack for today, instead of the trauma that might happen tomorrow. Let tomorrow worry about itself.

Sticks and Stones

This was the alternate post to the last one I posted. I wrote this one first and then decided that putting the same thoughts in story form had more power. I wanted readers to feel the weight of the words and I thought that could be done better in a narrative. I would love to hear thoughts of comparison between the two posts.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

Most of us grew up learning this little rhyme, but the problem is it could not be further from true. Words do hurt. They can be as painful and destructive as a machine gun randomly fired into a crowded room.

"You are such a mess."
"You are hopeless."
"You're not good enough."
"I give up on you."
"You are just like...(fill in the blank with any number of hurtful comparisons)"

Words like these stick. They get lodged in a person's psyche, slowly leaking their poison over time. Sometimes they are so loud nothing else can get in as they eat away at self-worth, and confidence, and block out feelings of love and acceptance.

Thankfully, the opposite can also be true. Words can heal. The right word, spoken in the right way and at the right time can be as precise as a surgeon's scalpel.

"You are loved."
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"I believe you."
"You can do it."
"You are a miracle."

These words are sometimes painfully true in the moment they are spoken, especially when spoken into the heart of one who has been poisoned by the opposite. The bad stuff is often easier to believe. However, when we give these positive messages the chance to sink in, when we really allow ourselves to sit and dwell with these things long enough, they become the antidote to the poison. Slowly, over time, we can find healing. It is not a magic formula for healing overnight, but it can happen.

Ultimately, there is one word that is able to heal over all others. The Gospel of John tells us about that Word. It is the Word who was God that became flesh. Jesus, the Incarnate Word came to bring the ultimate healing for forgiveness and abundance. Listen to a few of His words.

"Your sins are forgiven."
"Arise and walk."
"My peace I give to you."
"Come, follow Me."

We have the power to choose the words we abide in and the words that come out of our mouth. Will we choose words of destruction, or words of promise? Will we choose words of pain and hurt, or words of hope and healing? Will we abide in the words of our own flesh, or the Word which became flesh for us? Words are powerful. Choose them wisely.