Donald Miller posed this question on his twitter
yesterday, “How can the suffering you’ve experienced become an unintended
blessing? What is good about the pain you’ve known?”
As I read that tweet, I thought, “I could write a
blog, no make that a book, on this question.”
The problem is, so often people think the best
response to pain is to ignore it, avoid it, bury it, and most importantly hide
it from the rest of the world. We all tend to put a show on for the world of
our perfect life, hiding our scars, and especially our gaping wounds, as much as
possible, whenever possible. We think, “As long as everything looks good from
the outside, I can ignore what is happening on the inside and it will just go
away.” I am just as guilty of feeling and thinking this way as anyone else out
there.
I am learning, however, how crippling and foolish
it is to try to bury the painful things in our lives. Keeping our pain secret
is like having an infection that could be cured with simple antibiotics, but we
refuse to take them. Instead, we let it spread and grow until we cannot bear
the symptoms any longer, and by then it is going to take a lot more than a
simple pill. It becomes exhausting as it eats us away from the inside out. We
end up suffering from even more things we try to hide like anxiety and
depression.
When we reveal our wounds, admit our struggles,
and drop the charade of perfection, only then can we begin to heal. Do we need
to be careful who to reveal our pain to? Of course we do, especially at first,
while the wounds are still gaping and the infection is still raging. Healing
comes from sharing with those who can offer empathy and understanding, not
those who are sympathetic and withdraw.
Once those open wounds begin to heal, they become
scars. Our scars are beautiful. They become our strength, and they can be used
to strengthen others. Our scars say to others, “You are not alone.” Sympathy
says, “Oh, you poor thing, I am so sorry for you. I will never understand.”
They say with genuine empathy, “I have been where you are and I know it hurts,
but I am with you.”
None of our scars are exactly the same, but all of
us have scars. The good comes in using our scars to help others. The good comes
in being transparent, real, and authentic. The good comes when we realize that
pain is a part of what binds us as humans. The good comes when we remember that
God himself took on human flesh, including its pain so that he could understand
and empathize with us. The good comes when we realize that by His stripes we
are healed, because his scars let us know we have a God who can accept us,
scars and all. Is it scary to let others see our scars? Yes. Am I completely
there yet? No, but I am working on it, and I am finding my wounds healing and
my scars making me stronger, more confident, and more compassionate every day
as I walk the journey.
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